Maybe The Fairy Tales Are True

In true All Souls’ Day fashion, it’s a dreary, gray and cold day in Minnesota. As I was reflecting in prayer today, it all came rushing back: the tosses, turns and violent stumbles of my brother Zach’s death; the quiet whispers packed with desperate, last-minute love.

But it’s days like All Souls’ Day when this little sphere called Earth gets ripped open, and I can feel the breaths of the afterlife close to my face. And it’s warm.

Recently, I was talking to a dear co-worker of mine about how strange it is that it’s up to me to create an idea of Zach for my son Finn. One of my tasks as a parent will be to string together the right stories, show Finn the pictures that illustrate Zach in his truest nature, and curate the perfect playlists for him to listen to before bed.

As I’ve contemplated this, I’ve felt loss and bitterness that I’ll never be able to reconstruct Zach as he really was to me, flaws and all.

While praying  and reflecting today, I wrote this:

“Finn would’ve loved him, and I’m so angry… well, saddened…that I have to construct some ridiculous junior high school collage with old crappy pictures to prove he existed. I don’t want to make him a fairy tale character in Finn’s life.”

And then it hit me.  Maybe these perfect, sanctified versions of people that we create on this Earth after they’ve passed, maybe they’re real.

Maybe as their souls become closer to Christ, our memories and stories change to reflect their natures as they are now, in this very present moment, moments that are not of this world but that align with them.

Perhaps as I become more distanced from the human version of my brother, I’m becoming closer to his spiritual self, and that’s what Finn will know.

And how beautiful that he will have that brother of mine.

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Maybe The Fairy Tales Are True

  1. Rebecca Szerman

    I always look forward to your writings. What a lovely testament to your Brother, Zach. I think of him often because of the wonderful young man he was, his spirits is beautiful and that is what Finn will know of him. Thanks for always sharing your beautiful thoughts. Continue to write it is good for the soul. Lots of hugs to you and your family.

  2. Cindy Smith

    Such touching words. Thank you for sharing. Even though I never knew your brother except through posts, I think of him often. He has made a difference in his too short life. Bless you and your family.

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